My dear Diana,
You so wonderfully paid tribute to TC who was an incredible fighter
that I find myself throat swollen with tears down my face in reading
your email message. You and TC have been through so much and
certainly it allowed you to spend much more time with TC - more time
to have special memories of her destroying her toy mice and for cat
purrs and hugs.
As always when I read about pets crossing the bridge I find myself
unable to convey my deep thoughts - only that it is apparent that
you did everything possible for TC and she is at peace. I am
sending you and your husband prayers for strength, peace and to
remember the happy memories, when you are feeling sad.
I also pray that when the time is right, TC sends you a message and
that you are able to share your love with another precious cat.
Chantal
--- In feline_lymphoma@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Diana Strickland"
<sbb_strickland@xxxx> wrote:
>
> TC's very long journey is chronicled at IMOM's forum: (
> pub38.ezboard.com/bimomcommunity ) in the Rainbow Bridge section.
>
> TC has fought a long brave battle. She was diagnosed with
diabetes in
> August 2000. We had our ups and downs, but she finally managed to
go on a
> honeymoon in March 2004 ? and she never needed insulin again.
>
> In November 2004, she was diagnosed with lymphoma ? affecting her
pancreas,
> and intestines. I thought for sure it was the end, and prepared
to have her
> PTS. The vet urged me to try chemo ? explained how it wasn't as
bad on
> animals as on humans. I agreed to a two-week trial period, and if
I didn't
> like how she was reacting, would have her PTS then. I was amazed,
she
> thrived, and began acting like a kitten again ? playing and
killing all the
> toy mice. I just knew she was in remission, but the vet wouldn't
make it
> official, until we had a repeat ultrasound in February. Finally,
on
> February 7, 2005, she was declared officially in remission.
>
> In March, I found the mammary tumors. A needle aspirate confirmed
> adenocarcinoma. She needed surgery to remove the tumors ? and
came through
> with flying colors. All margins were clear. Of the three tumors
removed,
> only one was cancerous ? and it was so very tiny ? the outlook
was "not too
> bad".
>
> Shortly afterwards, she was diagnosed with end-stage renal
failure. We've
> been keeping that under control with diet and subqs.
>
> Chemo ended in May, with a raging UTI. Baytril did not clear it
up, and
> neither did the next antibiotic we tried. Urine cultures showed
e.coli ?
> and showed it was resistant to most antibiotics. We tried
Baytril, Bactrim,
> Zithromycin, and numerous other drugs ? till finally the only
three left
> were ones that would cause kidney damage in a healthy cat, so
there was no
> way they could give it to a cat in renal failure.
>
> In early summer, her appetite again decreased, and I began syringe
feeding
> her ? though she often would spit it back out. She lost a lot of
weight.
> Having joined the Feline Assisted Feeding list, I knew she needed
to eat
> more, and a feeding tube seemed the only option. During one of
her ER
> visits and admissions, I asked the vet to please insert a feeding
tube. She
> did wonderfully. Again, she became a kitten, and killed all the
toy mice
> in the house.
>
> She began peeing by the front door, so I blocked the stairs with a
baby
> gate. Somehow, she managed to find her way there to pee again and
again.
> Finally I caught her in the act ? she was jumping off the back of
the couch,
> over the railing, and down the stairs. This, for a supposedly
sick
> 12-year-old cat. I gave in, and placed a litter box next to the
front door.
> It turns out there was another cat using my flowerbeds outside ?
and TC
> was "defending" her territory.
>
> TC did well for many months. We celebrated her one-year post
diagnosis
> anniversary on Nov. 28th. Shortly after that, she began having
diarrhea,
> and then difficulty walking, and then vomiting. Her appetite was
horrid.
> Her regular vet was concerned about a recurrence of the cancer ?
so off to
> the specialist for more x-rays. At that time they found a
possible
> suspicious shadow in her lung. Still not definitely metastasis,
but most
> likely so. I asked what we could do about it ? and there was no
way to give
> her more chemo, as the chemo would make her more likely to get
infections,
> and she already had a raging one. Chemo would kill her.
>
> She had a crisis at the end of December, which the vets did not
think she
> would recover from, but after 3 days in the hospital, they called
to tell me
> she was acting like any normal cat. They dubbed her the "bionic
cat". She
> was able to come home the day before Christmas Eve. She still was
not able
> to eat ? everything went in via syringe. She did okay, the
diarrhea got
> better as I had decreased the amount of water in the "mixture". I
still
> tempted her to eat, but she would become nauseous at the first
smell of
> food.
>
> On Friday night, she suddenly began vomiting a lot. Saturday, no
matter
> what I fed her, she couldn't keep it down. I called the vets,
thinking it
> might be time, and wanting to keep her home with me one more
night.
> Saturday was my son's birthday, and the day we adopted TC ? I
could not have
> her PTS on that day. I needed more time. They told me to stop
feeding her
> ? so she would stop vomiting, and to give her extra fluids.
>
> Sunday morning, she still was vomiting, even though the only thing
I had fed
> her was Reglan with a little water. The vomit was bright yellow.
The
> diarrhea was greenish and slimy. She growled whenever I touched
her. She
> was in pain.
>
> I knew it was time.
>
> On the way to the vet, I sat in the back seat, so I could let her
out of the
> carrier. She was so happy to be able to look out the window. She
settled
> in comfortably on my lap. She walked into the carrier a few
times, looking
> like she would vomit, but there was nothing left to vomit.
>
> Sande, (my husband), kept thinking we were going to admit her. I
kept
> rationalizing the reasons why it was the right day.
>
> We got to the hospital, and Jessica (vet tech) was waiting for us.
She asked
> me if we had decided, or if we wanted to have an ER visit. I said
I had
> decided, but my husband hadn't. I turned to look at him, and he
was crying.
> He said to do whatever I thought was right.
>
> Jessica took us to a room, and we talked a bit. She kept
reassuring me that
> we had done all we could, and that TC was very loved. She asked
again, if
> we wanted to see the vet, or if we had decided. I said it was
time. Poor
> Sande was crying so hard. Maybe that was good - I was forced to
be strong
> for him.
>
> Jessica took TC in the back to insert a catheter into her vein,
and returned
> her to us with a lovely blanket. I asked what would happen -
since I had
> not done this before. She explained that it was usually peaceful,
but
> sometimes bodily functions are lost. She also explained that TC's
eyes
> would not close. Then she told us to take as much time as we
needed.
>
> Sande was in total disbelief - he was not prepared
for "watching".
> Something I had not thought to discuss with him before. I guess
I've had
> over a year of thinking about this, and he has not thought about
it at all.
> I told him he did not have to stay, but that I was going to stay.
He cried
> so hard. I'm not sure if he cried harder today than he did when
his mom
> died, but it sure seemed like it. He was more prepared for that -
we
> watched her deteriorate for a long time, and spent the entire last
night at
> the hospital with her, waiting for her to die. Maybe he thought
it would be
> like that, long and drawn out, taking hours to happen. He kissed
TC
> goodbye, and left to sit in the car, crying.
>
> I held TC, told her how much I loved her, and how she would now be
in
> heaven. It didn't mean I didn't love her, it meant that I would
be here
> with a broken heart, and she would be feeling so much better. I
told her to
> come visit me often, as I will miss her terribly.
>
> I told Jessica we were ready.
>
> Eventually the vet came in - and he told me what a wonderful
caregiver I had
> been, no one could have done more. I asked about the vomit, the
diarrhea,
> and the pale whitish gums. He thought there would be a low RBC
possibly
> from internal bleeding. The stool sample I brought in was
definitely off
> color. I said it was hard because she perked up and seemed so
happy and
> normal for the car ride. Of course, her stomach was empty, so she
had no
> reason to feel sick. I needed to know that these were definite
signs of
> something bad.
>
> He said that happens often, the animals sense that the suffering
is going to
> end, and are happy about it. I had read that somewhere before,
and had
> decided that once the decision was made, I was not going to change
my mind
> about it.
>
> Then it was time. TC gave one last little growl at the vet, then
laid her
> head down on my arm, and she was gone. I put my head down on her
chest
> (trying to check her heart), but of course heard nothing. The vet
asked me
> to let him check her heart. He confirmed she was gone. He told
me to stay
> as long as I wanted, and left us alone.
>
> I hugged her, and hugged her. It was nice and peaceful. I felt
good, that
> I had done the right thing. I could pet her, and she didn't
growl. (That
> was my deciding factor - the growling meant she was in pain). I
had always
> made her a promise that I would not let her suffer in pain. (A
friend had
> made that suggestion to me last year, when she was first dx with
lymphoma ?
> she had done the same with her dog. It made it easier ? to keep
my promise
> to TC, rather than to pick the day she would die. I was setting
her free
> from the pain I had promised her I wouldn't let her suffer with).
>
> I told her that lots of friends were in Heaven, waiting for her,
and that
> they could all party together, and they'd all be healthy and
happy. I asked
> her to send me a needy cat, someone who no one loved, and needed
to be
> helped - when she thought I was ready. Then I felt at peace. So I
carried
> her out to Jessica, who had promised to shave me some fur to place
in a
> locket. I gave all TC's food, and pee pads to Jessica, to use for
the pets
> at the hospital. (I know they can't use the food, but I told her
to tell me
> they could, because it would make me feel better, even if they
couldn't.)
>
> The receptionist had done all the billing prior to the procedure,
so I could
> just walk out, without having to talk to anyone, but I needed to
thank them
> for everything they have done. So we hugged, and got teary eyed.
I told
> them if there was ever a cat, whose owner wanted to PTS because
they
> couldn't be bothered to care for them (like the kitten with the
broken leg
> just before Christmas), to call me.
>
> (I had offered to take the kitten, but the owner decided to have
the leg
> splinted after all.)
>
> On the way home, we stopped at PetSmart to get bird food, and of
course it
> was cat adoption day. I talked for a long time with one of the
volunteers,
> who also recently lost her own cat. Actually her Nana's cat that
she
> inherited when Nana passed. She buried Honey's ashes with Nana at
the
> cemetery. I thought that was sweet.
>
> So, now I'm home, left to put away TC's things until the day she
sends me
> another cat.
>
> I was at peace at the vet's office, but now I'm missing her
terribly. The
> house is too empty. I think I will sleep with her blanket tonight.
>
> Godspeed TC, may you play happily at the Bridge until we meet
again!! I love
> you!!
>
> Diana
>
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