RE: Re: Overstepping Qualifications [was: Practice: PairProgramming, Sex, etc]

I am afraid of heights. Especially when I'm stressed, going up in a glass
elevator is cause for total terror on my part. My emotions are real.
However, they are not "appropriate" in the sense I am using the term,
because they do not match the reality of the situation. I'm perfectly safe
in the elevator. There is no objective reason for any distress, much less
abject terror.

I don't think sexual feelings in the workplace are "appropriate" in the same
sense. It's not a quiet, candlelit dinner or a cozy car overlooking the
lights of the city, it's work. If I get aroused when I sit down to program
with a person of my preferred gender, it makes no more objective sense than
my terror in an elevator. My feelings don't match the situation.

As for being in control of feelings, I think we all influence our feelings.
If I'm feeling down, there are things I can do to help myself feel better.
I'm certainly responsible for my feelings and their effects on others. And I
observe that sexual feelings in the workplace hinder the work of the team.

That said, I have gotten several messages that boil down to, "I like feeling
aroused sitting next to a programming partner and it's none of your
business." I agree that it is none of my business how they feel or what they
do. I will continue, however, to point out what I perceive to be the
consequences of indulging those feelings. If they want to be aroused at work
more than they want the team to work its best, they are free to make that
choice and deal with what comes next.

Kent Beck
Three Rivers Institute

-----Original Message-----
From: Michael Feathers 
[mailto:mfeathers-mn4gwa5WIIQysxA8WJXlww@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] 
Sent: Wednesday, December 15, 2004 5:31 PM
To: xpbookdiscussiongroup-hHKSG33TihhbjbujkaE4pw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: [xpe2e] Re: Overstepping Qualifications [was: Practice:
PairProgramming, Sex, etc]

We've probably beaten this one to death, but I just have to say that 
your use of the phrase "inappropriate feelings" makes me flinch.  I 
don't consider myself to be in control of my feelings.  They happen, and 
I can acknowledge them or not, or act on them or not.   I've pretty much 
assumed that that is the way it is for most people.  Beyond that there 
is the question of whether a person's feelings are their private affair 
as long as they don't impact the team.  Are we aware of all of the 
feelings that our team members have?  We can read body language, but do 
we know?  Is it our business?

I'm leery of any enterprise which decides what feelings are appropriate 
or inappropriate. It seems like an invasion of privacy and something 
somewhat beyond the work contact.  I wish your phraseology was tied to 
action rather than feeling.

Michael Feathers





 
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