Re: Linguist jokes: At the pearly gates

On Friday 30 April 2004 12:34 pm, John McChesney-Young wrote:
> Although technically off-topic, I'm sure quite a few list members
> will enjoy this and a large sub-set could turn out a classicist
> version without much trouble, if they felt so inclined.
>
> http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000837.html

O rare Roman Jakobson! There is a version about Bill Gates:

 Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized
up by St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all,
you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in
America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do
something I've never done before; I'm going to let you decide where you want
to go."

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter said,
"I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters
and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing
and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect.

"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see
heaven!"

"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing
harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St.
Peter.

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire. When he
got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in
dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This
is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't
believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the
beautiful beaches, the beautiful women playing in the water?!???

"That? Oh, that was just the demo."

--
   Michael J. Smith
   ms@xxxxxx