RE: Re: Excellent post on nonverbal communicators~ on falling

"Ben adds:  "Learn from the classics"  "Learn from George Bailey"
[he has been referencing this george bailey character who had to
discover
what the world would be like had he never been born.]"

My favorite movie was "It's a Wonderful Life".  Donna Reed was the
quintessential American Women...truly iconic.  That town was very much
like the town I grew up in and in fact was modeled on towns in that
area.

Poor George Bailey.  I've been feeling like him lately.

Tom


--- Tink <tink_lecuyer@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> Great point outs on this child's communication all around.  We've a
> little
> bit to add.
> 
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> [mailto:autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]On
> > Behalf Of remarksman
> > Sent: Saturday, July 30, 2005 1:52 AM
> > To: autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > Subject: [Autismlist] Re: Excellent post on nonverbal communicators
> >
> >
> > --- In autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Tink" <tink_lecuyer@xxxx>
> wrote:
> > > Hope that Gail wouldn't mind that this is posted here.  I know
> > there are
> > > many trying to understand the "how-to's" in the dynamics.  I had
> > clipped
> > > this post a while back and thought it would be helpful to share.
> > So, thanks
> > > Gail!  While her comments were directed toward thinking of 3 year
> > olds, i'm
> > > thinking this is applicable to many age groups.
> > >
> > > ~*~ tink
> > >
> > > Begin:
> > >
> > > Hello everyone
> > > I would like to add a few words to this discussion on helping a
> > three year
> > > old use FC.
> > >
> > > First of all I would like to preface my comments with a short
> > description of
> > > my philosophy on communication, because it makes a huge
> difference
> > where one
> > > is coming from. To me, communication is the passing of
> information
> > from one
> > > person to another so that it is shared.  Thus, when I am working
> > with
> > > anyone, I am not interested in a specific method of communication
> > at all,
> > > but use everything and anything that the person is able to share
> > with me in
> > > any way they use. My personal communication disabilities are not
> > being able
> > > to use my vision to understand sign language, no matter how hard
> I
> > try, or
> > > to keep up with the visual input of the very fast facilitators on
> > the
> > > letterboards and speaking only the English language. These limit
> > my ability
> > > to communicate with some people, but we usually find a way to
> > share,  in
> > > spite of my limitations. My goal with people on the spectrum is
> to
> > find
> > > communication methods that work for the individual I am trying to
> > > communicate with so that they can share their needs, their
> > thoughts, their
> > > feelings and their knowledge with me. The goal is communication,
> > not a
> > > specific method of communication. And since they have what is
> > termed "an
> > > impairment in communication" we concentrate on what works for
> > them, NOT what
> > > I, or any other typical person needs. One wonders at times who
> are
> > really
> > > disabled in this world.
> > >
> > > Steps for communicating with a 3 year old child:
> > >
> > > 1. Lower your voice at all times when talking to them. Their
> hyper
> > acute
> > > hearing often distorts our voices so that they cannot hear the
> > words clearly
> > > and claim that it was no different to them than any other noise
> in
> > the
> > > background. Don't whisper. The sss sounds are very uncomfortable
> > when
> > > whispering but talk at a level just above whispering. Always make
> > sure there
> > > are no noises between you and their ears that will interfere with
> > your
> > > message when you are speaking to them. Don't ask them to speak
> > louder, they
> > > are likely talking at a level that is comfortable for them. Meet
> > it. If they
> > > talk very loud, this is likely how they hear you speak. Tell them
> > it hurts
> > > your ears, and demonstrate talking softer. This is not about them
> > trying
> > > harder. It's about meeting their auditory needs.
> > >
> > > 2. Share the differences that they experience in life with them
> so
> > that they
> > > get to know their own bodies and how these bodies react in our
> > world. Tell
> > > them that they hear better than the rest of us, see better, feel
> > things more
> > > on their skins, and have stronger senses of smell and taste, and
> > that this
> > > makes the world uncomfortable for them in ways that it doesn't
> > make it
> > > uncomfortable for us. They know this about themselves. They think
> > we are
> > > like them and don't understand how we are able to cope with so
> > much input so
> > > well. What no one tells them is that we are not coping with the
> > same input,
> > > because our bodies are different than theirs. Sharing this
> > information with
> > > them as early as possible, gives them the freedom to accept
> > themselves as
> > > the wonderful people they are instead of reaching the point that
> > they
> > > believe that they are bad, crazy, broken or stupid: the very
> clear
> > messages
> > > that they meet in the world every day of their lives.
> > >
> > > 3. Do not put them in environments in which they have to endure
> > high levels
> > > of stimulation. Typical day cares, preschools, and so on can be
> > devastating
> > > to these children.  If this is necessary, respect their use of
> > restricted,
> > > repetitive and stereotypic behaviors as communication that they
> > are in
> > > trouble. Allow them to use these behaviors to decrease the level
> > of anxiety
> > > they are feeling. Talk to them about how well they are coping in
> a
> > very
> > > uncomfortable world. The development of the brain from birth
> > through to
> > > grade one depends completely on sensory input. The safer that
> > input is for
> > > these children, the better the development. In the meantime,
> don't
> > lock them
> > > away from the world in order to protect them. They need to be
> part
> > of our
> > > world as much as any other child. Be flexible with the timing and
> > the choice
> > > of environments instead of limiting where they go. For example: I
> > live in
> > > Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, which boasts that it has the largest
> > shopping
> > > mall in the world, a mall that has all sorts of wonderful
> > attractions that
> > > go beyond shopping. By taking our children there before 10 AM in
> > the morning
> > > we can share this mall with them in a way that is safe for their
> > bodies and
> > > allow them to get used to it. We would never, ever think of
> > exposing them to
> > > it in the midst of the craze of Christmas shopping. That's
> > torturing them
> > > for no reason at all. Any early intervention program should take
> > place in
> > > the real world, not in one room, which becomes a torture chamber.
> > >
> > > 4. Accept any form of communication they use, when they use it,
> > and don't
> > > correct them or try to fix it in any way. Respond immediately.
> > This gives
> > > them the impetus to continue to communicate. Constantly being
> told
> > that
> > > their communicative efforts are wrong and have to be fixed, makes
> > them give
> > > up.
> > >
> > > 5. If they speak in garbled tones,  be aware that this is how
> they
> > are
> > > hearing you speak. This is the language they are learning from
> > you. Take
> > > responsibility for your own limitations and admit that YOU don't
> > understand,
> > > in a soft voice. You taught them how to talk this way. Now you
> are
> > expecting
> > > them to reply in a way that suits your needs. In other words you
> > expect them
> > > to listen at one level, and then respond at another. It's like
> > being
> > > bilingual. Amazingly, many of them actually do master this in
> > spite of our
> > > stupidity.
> > >
> > > 6. Give them choices in a way that they can respond. Put their
> > clothes out
> > > and let them pick up what they want. Put out two juices and let
> > them take
> > > the one they want. If they don't choose either, open the fridge
> > door and
> > > offer everything and see what happens. It's not just about
> > pointing or
> > > telling. Ask them to "show me" and then respond to their requests
> > > immediately, again without correcting their method. The more you
> > do this,
> > > the more they will share with you. The more their communicative
> > efforts will
> > > evolve and increase.
> 
> ***** I wanted to add here that when we say "show me" ... it also
> helps to
> give hand/hand assist at the same time.
> 
> > >
> > > 7. Get them on the computer as soon as possible. Use games based
> > on their
> > > interests. Help them use the mouse, or find a mouse that they can
> > work
> > > independently. It doesn't have to be simple. I don't know how
> many
> > children
> > > I have been with who can use a typical mouse on their home
> > computers, but
> > > have never seen a finger mouse like I have on my laptop, and
> learn
> > how to
> > > use it after I show them once.  Move from playing games to
> typing.
> > Find
> > > games that information has to be typed in to continue, or adjust
> > the games
> > > settings so that this is necessary. I have 2 year olds on the
> > computer. The
> > > goal is to have them typing independently by they time they are
> in
> > grade one
> > > and need to share their knowledge base, which they can do on a
> > laptop in the
> > > classroom, if their fingers are too sensitive to print with a
> > pencil.
> > >
> > > 8.  Use hand over hand to do specific tasks that they haven't
> > mastered yet.
> > > Be aware that their tactile response will affect how well this
> > works. Tell
> > > them "let me show you how, or let me help you" so that it doesn't
> > become an
> > > overwhelming. Respect their body language at all times and talk
> to
> > them
> > > about what you think it is telling you. In the future, this may
> be
> > very
> > > important in the implementation of fc.
> > >
> > > 9. Answer the "why" questions of life. Typical three years olds
> > spend this
> > > time of their lives asking hundreds and hundreds of questions
> > every day,
> > > driving the adults in their world slightly crazy. But this is how
> > they learn
> > > how the world works. 3 year olds on the spectrum have the same
> > questions as
> > > the other children in their minds but their communication
> > impairment stands
> > > in the way of asking them. So answer them anyway. Hang around
> with
> > other
> > > three year olds to figure out what questions are asked. Or just
> > share the
> > > way our worlds works in every way you can. This is probably the
> > most
> > > important early intervention program you can put into place. The
> > adults talk
> > > of the difficulty that they had figuring out how the world works,
> > and the
> > > huge amount of time and energy they dedicated to this cause over
> > time. We
> > > can help them if we choose.
> > >
> > > 10. Lower the anxiety that they are dealing with in every way you
> > can. As
> > > Jamie Burke stated when I was with him in Maryland last
> > summer: "People
> > > thought I was a child struggling to learn to talk, but I was a
> > child
> > > overwhelmed with anxiety. Once the anxiety decreased, the
> > communication was
> > > easier." Figure out exactly what is going on with their sensory
> > system and
> > > use whatever adaptations they need to meet their specific needs.
> I
> > have lots
> > > of these if anyone is interested. Raise your expectations. No one
> > does well
> > > when they are treated like they mentally incompetent, and these
> > children are
> > > definitely not that. Meet their communicative endeavors, don't
> > make them
> > > meet yours. Reduce the amount of stimulation that they have to
> > deal with in
> > > the environments that they are in. Take care of any medical
> > problems they
> > > have.
> > >
> > > There is a huge outcry against a lot of the medical research
> going
> > on, from
> > > many of us, because we don't want to "cure" autism. The
> biomedical
> > concerns
> > > are not about curing autism, but meeting the needs of the
> > individual body.
> > > The lower the pain and discomfort from within, the lower the
> > anxiety, the
> > > higher the level of communication. We now know that there are a
> > lot of
> > > gastrointestinal, immune system, and environmental toxicity
> issues
> > going on
> > > with these people. Each is an individual. Each affected in their
> > own way. If
> > > we can figure out these concerns, we give them the freedom to
> feel
> > better
> > > which decreases anxiety level, which in turn leads directly to an
> > increase
> > > in communication and social interaction and a decrease in the
> need
> > to use
> > > the restricted, repetitive and stereotypical behaviors for
> calming
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > > 11. If they are the type of children who watch and control videos
> > with a lot
> > > of repetition, etc. pay close attention to what they are doing.
> >
> > They are
> > > sharing something about themselves. Then share what you know. For
> > example,
> > > after visiting one child, I realized that all the video portions
> > that he had
> > > chosen to watch in my presence had to do with "falling down". He
> > also spent
> > > a lot of time throwing a variety of items down the stairs. The
> > next time I
> > > was with him, I told him that I had realized what he was doing
> and
> > I thought
> > > he was trying to figure out exactly how gravity worked.
> >
> >
> > LOL!!
> >
> > he's talking about another kind of "gravity"
> >
> >
> >  I taught him a short
> > > lesson on the facts of gravity and the history of our
> > understanding of it.
> >
> > LOL
> 
> Tink & Ben add:
> ***** Yes.  not to laugh too hard.
> 
> Yes, it's possible that this young boy had a treble meaning.
> On a more mundane level, some auties have difficulty with depth
> perception/distorted vision.  Ben has had that trouble on & off.  I'm
> not
> sure what triggers it at any given time.  He cannot judge on stairs
> where
> the next step is and, consequently, gets fearful of stepping down w/o
> assistance.  Going up is much easier because he can tap the next step
> riser
> with his toes and "feel" where the next one is.  Think of it as being
> almost
> blinded in a sense.   And sometimes, to see where and how items will
> land
> ... he throws his rattles/other objects onto the stairsteps.  If I go
> down
> into the basement for laundry ... he gets freaky and will stay at the
> top of
> the stairs throwing rattles and other objects down the stairs.  Then
> we have
> to go in order.  As I walk up the stairs, I have to pick up each
> object in
> order and hand them back to him.  Not always easy with a laundry
> basket.
> lol  It's a weird little thing we go through.  But, it seems
> important to
> him, so I do it.
> 
> On this "falling down" aspect .. I guess you mean spirit's fall into
> matter.
> The fall from grace.  The original wound that sent us tumbling into
> this
> earthly existence?
> I personally believe that some repeat their fall again and again
> because of
> failure to learn their lessons in one form or another.  Some come
> with
> purpose to assist.  There are a number of quotes in QIM Tunes that
> address
> this aspect of incarnation and remarksman's KIN notes expand upon
> those.
> Here are a couple:
> 
> Brent: Cost question, Lord?s fall from grace.
> 
> Tom: "Cost question"?
> 
> Brent: Making money.
> 
> --------------------------------------------
> Tom: Is it a promotion to be Autistic?
> 
> Brent: Yes
> 
> Tom: Is it a promotion to be Tom Smith?
> 
> Brent: Yes
> 
> Tom: Is it the highest promotion to be Autistic?
> 
> Brent: Yes
> 
> Tom: Where do you go from here?
> 
> Brent: Yes, start back at the bottom
> 
> For there are five trees in Paradise for you; they do not change,
> summer or
> winter, and their leaves do not fall. Whoever knows them will not
> taste
> death.
> 
>  (19 Gospel of Thomas, Scholars? Translation)
> 
> There are many pop films that explore the angelic realms, fall from
> heaven,
> spiritual "warfare," and the prophetic times coming to fruition: 
> Matrix,
> Michael, Constantine, Gangs of New York, Devil's Advocate, Touched By
> An
> Angel, a number of others that I can't recall just now.  Anyway, it's
> forever interesting to look at these films and compare to classic
> myths and
> QIM Tunes, then to our own lives and find the similar or same
> elements.
> Angels "ain't" always pretty, fluffy white-robed harp players.  Our
> own
> "houses" need to be cleaned before we go pronouncing judgment on
> others in
> any way.  The worst con games are the ones we play with ourselves.
> 
> Ben adds:  "Learn from the classics"  "Learn from George Bailey"
> [he has been referencing this george bailey character who had to
> discover
> what the world would be like had he never been born.]
> 
> from Beauty & The Beast dvd:
> "There goes the baker with his tray, like always
> The same old bread and rolls to sell
> Ev'ry morning just the same
> Since the morning that we came
> To this poor provincial town"
> 
> point to: "Disney's Storybook Collection"
> 
> Music:
> "Why you keep lying to me, baby?"
> P. Frampton Live
> 
> "PBS Kids" learn!
> 
> 
> >
> >
> > > He sat and listened very carefully to me without any of his
> > behaviors. When
> > > I was done I talked about the loss of his grandmother as his
> > mother was
> > > having a hard time dealing with her grief, and I wanted to make
> > sure that he
> > > knew why Mom was crying so much and not take it personally. Then
> I
> > > apologized for taking so long to figure out what he was telling
> us
> > about
> > > "falling down" and if he had anything else  to tell me I would
> try
> > to
> > > "listen"as well as I could. He immediately went to the PEC board
> > and got a
> > > picture of a lake and gave it to Mom. She guessed all sorts of
> > water things,
> > > which were obviously wrong, and he went and got another PEC, this
> > time with
> > > the truck on it.
> > >
> > > We determined that he wanted to drive to the lake, and thus, in
> > spite of the
> > > fact it was the middle of the winter, we decided to go. On the
> way
> > we
> > > stopped for gas, and as we were waiting for Mom to do that, he
> > worked with
> > > his CD player, first finding a song, and then finding a specific
> > line and
> > > then finally playing it over and over and over again for me.
> >
> >
> > these "whole environment communicators" often combine media in
> their
> > messages and "conversations," to give them added breadth and depth
> 
> ****  yep.  You got it.  Sometimes they're just chilling and having
> fun ...
> so you have to watch and learn carefully when is when and which is
> which.
> >
> >
> >
> > I don't
> > > remember the exact words of the line, but it had to do with
> supper
> > cooking
> > > and daddy being home.
> >
> >
> > yah, and this whole sequence of amazing (tho not atypical) events
> > was itself his "running commentary" on the issue he originally
> > wished to discuss, which wasn't gravity, but dadity
> >
> > his communcations concerning "falling down" addressed this
> interest,
> > and then he arranged the rest of the events to "flesh out" his
> > communication
> >
> > very resourceful! as oz wood say
> 
> **** Very.  The best.
> >
> >
> >  His Dad had been working out of town for some time. I
> > > told him that I thought he was telling me he missed his Daddy and
> > wanted him
> > > to come home.
> >
> > bingo
> >
> >
> > He stopped the repetition, so I think I got it right and he
> > > was calm and happy for the rest of the trip  (in spite of the
> fact
> > that the
> > > road to the lake was filled in with snow so impassable) as I
> > shared this
> > > line with his mother. The interesting thing about this process is
> > the fact
> > > that he chose the lake as his PEC, not any of the places that we
> > could visit
> > > in town. It gave him the time to find the line on the CD.
> >
> >
> > exactly, and it got you and mom's undivided attention
> >
> >
> >  Since we stopped
> > > for gas, we actually didn't need that time, but had we not, we
> > would have.
> > > This is what true listening and accepting of communication
> > entails. Since
> > > this happened with this boy, I have had the repetition of videos
> > used often
> > > as a means of communicating something that is hard for the person
> > to say
> > > independently.
> >
> >  Echolalia is also part of this process. If you know the
> > > context of the line being quoted, you can figure out exactly how
> > it fits in
> > > the present context. But you have to make the effort, and also
> > accept
> > > communication, not fix it, or you won't get this far.
> >
> >
> > once they trust that you believe in their ability to communicate,
> > and in their innate intelligence, they will increasingly make the
> > communications more complex, pointed, and often personal
> 
> ***** I think the communications can be complex from the get-go.  The
> only
> caution I can give is that when we personalize something *not*
> directly
> communicated to us ... then we get into trouble and it is *then* that
> the
> cycle of miscommunication/misinterpretation leads to not only
> frustration
> but, often, heartache.  And it's unecessary.  Not *everything* has
> some deep
> tripartite meaning.
> 
> >
> >
> > >
> > > 12. Don't treat them any differently than you would any typical
> > child. Don't
> > > force them to sit in chairs. Don't force them to look at things.
> > Don't ask
> > > them the same question over and over again. Don't ask them
> > questions that
> > > you already know the answer to and so on and so on. Teach them
> > naturally and
> > > respectfully. The inability to sit for long periods of time, and
> > the
> > > resistance to look directly at something is an indication of a
> > sensory
> > > problem, not something that needs to be "TAUGHT".
> > >
> > > I apologize for this being so long, but I don't think we can just
> > assume
> > > there is one easy answer for anything as important as
> > communication. I hope
> > > this is helpful.
> > >
> > > Sincerely
> > > Gail Gillingham
> > > Autism Consulting Service
> > > Edmonton, Alberta, Canada,
> > > Author: Autism Handle with Care
> > >  Autism, A New Understanding
> > > and co-editor with Sandra McClennen  of Sharing our Wisdom, a
> book
> > of 22
> > > different presentations of the experience of autism from those on
> > the
> > > spectrum.
> >
> >
> > fine post
> 
> ***** Yes, it certainly was.  Thank you for the contribution and
> added
> insight.
> 
> ~*~ Tink & Ben
> 
> 
> >
> >
> 
> 



                
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