RE: Re: Excellent post on nonverbal communicators~ on falling

Great point outs on this child's communication all around.  We've a little
bit to add.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]On
> Behalf Of remarksman
> Sent: Saturday, July 30, 2005 1:52 AM
> To: autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Subject: [Autismlist] Re: Excellent post on nonverbal communicators
>
>
> --- In autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Tink" <tink_lecuyer@xxxx> wrote:
> > Hope that Gail wouldn't mind that this is posted here.  I know
> there are
> > many trying to understand the "how-to's" in the dynamics.  I had
> clipped
> > this post a while back and thought it would be helpful to share.
> So, thanks
> > Gail!  While her comments were directed toward thinking of 3 year
> olds, i'm
> > thinking this is applicable to many age groups.
> >
> > ~*~ tink
> >
> > Begin:
> >
> > Hello everyone
> > I would like to add a few words to this discussion on helping a
> three year
> > old use FC.
> >
> > First of all I would like to preface my comments with a short
> description of
> > my philosophy on communication, because it makes a huge difference
> where one
> > is coming from. To me, communication is the passing of information
> from one
> > person to another so that it is shared.  Thus, when I am working
> with
> > anyone, I am not interested in a specific method of communication
> at all,
> > but use everything and anything that the person is able to share
> with me in
> > any way they use. My personal communication disabilities are not
> being able
> > to use my vision to understand sign language, no matter how hard I
> try, or
> > to keep up with the visual input of the very fast facilitators on
> the
> > letterboards and speaking only the English language. These limit
> my ability
> > to communicate with some people, but we usually find a way to
> share,  in
> > spite of my limitations. My goal with people on the spectrum is to
> find
> > communication methods that work for the individual I am trying to
> > communicate with so that they can share their needs, their
> thoughts, their
> > feelings and their knowledge with me. The goal is communication,
> not a
> > specific method of communication. And since they have what is
> termed "an
> > impairment in communication" we concentrate on what works for
> them, NOT what
> > I, or any other typical person needs. One wonders at times who are
> really
> > disabled in this world.
> >
> > Steps for communicating with a 3 year old child:
> >
> > 1. Lower your voice at all times when talking to them. Their hyper
> acute
> > hearing often distorts our voices so that they cannot hear the
> words clearly
> > and claim that it was no different to them than any other noise in
> the
> > background. Don't whisper. The sss sounds are very uncomfortable
> when
> > whispering but talk at a level just above whispering. Always make
> sure there
> > are no noises between you and their ears that will interfere with
> your
> > message when you are speaking to them. Don't ask them to speak
> louder, they
> > are likely talking at a level that is comfortable for them. Meet
> it. If they
> > talk very loud, this is likely how they hear you speak. Tell them
> it hurts
> > your ears, and demonstrate talking softer. This is not about them
> trying
> > harder. It's about meeting their auditory needs.
> >
> > 2. Share the differences that they experience in life with them so
> that they
> > get to know their own bodies and how these bodies react in our
> world. Tell
> > them that they hear better than the rest of us, see better, feel
> things more
> > on their skins, and have stronger senses of smell and taste, and
> that this
> > makes the world uncomfortable for them in ways that it doesn't
> make it
> > uncomfortable for us. They know this about themselves. They think
> we are
> > like them and don't understand how we are able to cope with so
> much input so
> > well. What no one tells them is that we are not coping with the
> same input,
> > because our bodies are different than theirs. Sharing this
> information with
> > them as early as possible, gives them the freedom to accept
> themselves as
> > the wonderful people they are instead of reaching the point that
> they
> > believe that they are bad, crazy, broken or stupid: the very clear
> messages
> > that they meet in the world every day of their lives.
> >
> > 3. Do not put them in environments in which they have to endure
> high levels
> > of stimulation. Typical day cares, preschools, and so on can be
> devastating
> > to these children.  If this is necessary, respect their use of
> restricted,
> > repetitive and stereotypic behaviors as communication that they
> are in
> > trouble. Allow them to use these behaviors to decrease the level
> of anxiety
> > they are feeling. Talk to them about how well they are coping in a
> very
> > uncomfortable world. The development of the brain from birth
> through to
> > grade one depends completely on sensory input. The safer that
> input is for
> > these children, the better the development. In the meantime, don't
> lock them
> > away from the world in order to protect them. They need to be part
> of our
> > world as much as any other child. Be flexible with the timing and
> the choice
> > of environments instead of limiting where they go. For example: I
> live in
> > Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, which boasts that it has the largest
> shopping
> > mall in the world, a mall that has all sorts of wonderful
> attractions that
> > go beyond shopping. By taking our children there before 10 AM in
> the morning
> > we can share this mall with them in a way that is safe for their
> bodies and
> > allow them to get used to it. We would never, ever think of
> exposing them to
> > it in the midst of the craze of Christmas shopping. That's
> torturing them
> > for no reason at all. Any early intervention program should take
> place in
> > the real world, not in one room, which becomes a torture chamber.
> >
> > 4. Accept any form of communication they use, when they use it,
> and don't
> > correct them or try to fix it in any way. Respond immediately.
> This gives
> > them the impetus to continue to communicate. Constantly being told
> that
> > their communicative efforts are wrong and have to be fixed, makes
> them give
> > up.
> >
> > 5. If they speak in garbled tones,  be aware that this is how they
> are
> > hearing you speak. This is the language they are learning from
> you. Take
> > responsibility for your own limitations and admit that YOU don't
> understand,
> > in a soft voice. You taught them how to talk this way. Now you are
> expecting
> > them to reply in a way that suits your needs. In other words you
> expect them
> > to listen at one level, and then respond at another. It's like
> being
> > bilingual. Amazingly, many of them actually do master this in
> spite of our
> > stupidity.
> >
> > 6. Give them choices in a way that they can respond. Put their
> clothes out
> > and let them pick up what they want. Put out two juices and let
> them take
> > the one they want. If they don't choose either, open the fridge
> door and
> > offer everything and see what happens. It's not just about
> pointing or
> > telling. Ask them to "show me" and then respond to their requests
> > immediately, again without correcting their method. The more you
> do this,
> > the more they will share with you. The more their communicative
> efforts will
> > evolve and increase.

***** I wanted to add here that when we say "show me" ... it also helps to
give hand/hand assist at the same time.

> >
> > 7. Get them on the computer as soon as possible. Use games based
> on their
> > interests. Help them use the mouse, or find a mouse that they can
> work
> > independently. It doesn't have to be simple. I don't know how many
> children
> > I have been with who can use a typical mouse on their home
> computers, but
> > have never seen a finger mouse like I have on my laptop, and learn
> how to
> > use it after I show them once.  Move from playing games to typing.
> Find
> > games that information has to be typed in to continue, or adjust
> the games
> > settings so that this is necessary. I have 2 year olds on the
> computer. The
> > goal is to have them typing independently by they time they are in
> grade one
> > and need to share their knowledge base, which they can do on a
> laptop in the
> > classroom, if their fingers are too sensitive to print with a
> pencil.
> >
> > 8.  Use hand over hand to do specific tasks that they haven't
> mastered yet.
> > Be aware that their tactile response will affect how well this
> works. Tell
> > them "let me show you how, or let me help you" so that it doesn't
> become an
> > overwhelming. Respect their body language at all times and talk to
> them
> > about what you think it is telling you. In the future, this may be
> very
> > important in the implementation of fc.
> >
> > 9. Answer the "why" questions of life. Typical three years olds
> spend this
> > time of their lives asking hundreds and hundreds of questions
> every day,
> > driving the adults in their world slightly crazy. But this is how
> they learn
> > how the world works. 3 year olds on the spectrum have the same
> questions as
> > the other children in their minds but their communication
> impairment stands
> > in the way of asking them. So answer them anyway. Hang around with
> other
> > three year olds to figure out what questions are asked. Or just
> share the
> > way our worlds works in every way you can. This is probably the
> most
> > important early intervention program you can put into place. The
> adults talk
> > of the difficulty that they had figuring out how the world works,
> and the
> > huge amount of time and energy they dedicated to this cause over
> time. We
> > can help them if we choose.
> >
> > 10. Lower the anxiety that they are dealing with in every way you
> can. As
> > Jamie Burke stated when I was with him in Maryland last
> summer: "People
> > thought I was a child struggling to learn to talk, but I was a
> child
> > overwhelmed with anxiety. Once the anxiety decreased, the
> communication was
> > easier." Figure out exactly what is going on with their sensory
> system and
> > use whatever adaptations they need to meet their specific needs. I
> have lots
> > of these if anyone is interested. Raise your expectations. No one
> does well
> > when they are treated like they mentally incompetent, and these
> children are
> > definitely not that. Meet their communicative endeavors, don't
> make them
> > meet yours. Reduce the amount of stimulation that they have to
> deal with in
> > the environments that they are in. Take care of any medical
> problems they
> > have.
> >
> > There is a huge outcry against a lot of the medical research going
> on, from
> > many of us, because we don't want to "cure" autism. The biomedical
> concerns
> > are not about curing autism, but meeting the needs of the
> individual body.
> > The lower the pain and discomfort from within, the lower the
> anxiety, the
> > higher the level of communication. We now know that there are a
> lot of
> > gastrointestinal, immune system, and environmental toxicity issues
> going on
> > with these people. Each is an individual. Each affected in their
> own way. If
> > we can figure out these concerns, we give them the freedom to feel
> better
> > which decreases anxiety level, which in turn leads directly to an
> increase
> > in communication and social interaction and a decrease in the need
> to use
> > the restricted, repetitive and stereotypical behaviors for calming
> > themselves.
> >
> > 11. If they are the type of children who watch and control videos
> with a lot
> > of repetition, etc. pay close attention to what they are doing.
>
> They are
> > sharing something about themselves. Then share what you know. For
> example,
> > after visiting one child, I realized that all the video portions
> that he had
> > chosen to watch in my presence had to do with "falling down". He
> also spent
> > a lot of time throwing a variety of items down the stairs. The
> next time I
> > was with him, I told him that I had realized what he was doing and
> I thought
> > he was trying to figure out exactly how gravity worked.
>
>
> LOL!!
>
> he's talking about another kind of "gravity"
>
>
>  I taught him a short
> > lesson on the facts of gravity and the history of our
> understanding of it.
>
> LOL

Tink & Ben add:
***** Yes.  not to laugh too hard.

Yes, it's possible that this young boy had a treble meaning.
On a more mundane level, some auties have difficulty with depth
perception/distorted vision.  Ben has had that trouble on & off.  I'm not
sure what triggers it at any given time.  He cannot judge on stairs where
the next step is and, consequently, gets fearful of stepping down w/o
assistance.  Going up is much easier because he can tap the next step riser
with his toes and "feel" where the next one is.  Think of it as being almost
blinded in a sense.   And sometimes, to see where and how items will land
... he throws his rattles/other objects onto the stairsteps.  If I go down
into the basement for laundry ... he gets freaky and will stay at the top of
the stairs throwing rattles and other objects down the stairs.  Then we have
to go in order.  As I walk up the stairs, I have to pick up each object in
order and hand them back to him.  Not always easy with a laundry basket.
lol  It's a weird little thing we go through.  But, it seems important to
him, so I do it.

On this "falling down" aspect .. I guess you mean spirit's fall into matter.
The fall from grace.  The original wound that sent us tumbling into this
earthly existence?
I personally believe that some repeat their fall again and again because of
failure to learn their lessons in one form or another.  Some come with
purpose to assist.  There are a number of quotes in QIM Tunes that address
this aspect of incarnation and remarksman's KIN notes expand upon those.
Here are a couple:

Brent: Cost question, Lord?s fall from grace.

Tom: "Cost question"?

Brent: Making money.

--------------------------------------------
Tom: Is it a promotion to be Autistic?

Brent: Yes

Tom: Is it a promotion to be Tom Smith?

Brent: Yes

Tom: Is it the highest promotion to be Autistic?

Brent: Yes

Tom: Where do you go from here?

Brent: Yes, start back at the bottom

For there are five trees in Paradise for you; they do not change, summer or
winter, and their leaves do not fall. Whoever knows them will not taste
death.

 (19 Gospel of Thomas, Scholars? Translation)

There are many pop films that explore the angelic realms, fall from heaven,
spiritual "warfare," and the prophetic times coming to fruition:  Matrix,
Michael, Constantine, Gangs of New York, Devil's Advocate, Touched By An
Angel, a number of others that I can't recall just now.  Anyway, it's
forever interesting to look at these films and compare to classic myths and
QIM Tunes, then to our own lives and find the similar or same elements.
Angels "ain't" always pretty, fluffy white-robed harp players.  Our own
"houses" need to be cleaned before we go pronouncing judgment on others in
any way.  The worst con games are the ones we play with ourselves.

Ben adds:  "Learn from the classics"  "Learn from George Bailey"
[he has been referencing this george bailey character who had to discover
what the world would be like had he never been born.]

from Beauty & The Beast dvd:
"There goes the baker with his tray, like always
The same old bread and rolls to sell
Ev'ry morning just the same
Since the morning that we came
To this poor provincial town"

point to: "Disney's Storybook Collection"

Music:
"Why you keep lying to me, baby?"
P. Frampton Live

"PBS Kids" learn!


>
>
> > He sat and listened very carefully to me without any of his
> behaviors. When
> > I was done I talked about the loss of his grandmother as his
> mother was
> > having a hard time dealing with her grief, and I wanted to make
> sure that he
> > knew why Mom was crying so much and not take it personally. Then I
> > apologized for taking so long to figure out what he was telling us
> about
> > "falling down" and if he had anything else  to tell me I would try
> to
> > "listen"as well as I could. He immediately went to the PEC board
> and got a
> > picture of a lake and gave it to Mom. She guessed all sorts of
> water things,
> > which were obviously wrong, and he went and got another PEC, this
> time with
> > the truck on it.
> >
> > We determined that he wanted to drive to the lake, and thus, in
> spite of the
> > fact it was the middle of the winter, we decided to go. On the way
> we
> > stopped for gas, and as we were waiting for Mom to do that, he
> worked with
> > his CD player, first finding a song, and then finding a specific
> line and
> > then finally playing it over and over and over again for me.
>
>
> these "whole environment communicators" often combine media in their
> messages and "conversations," to give them added breadth and depth

****  yep.  You got it.  Sometimes they're just chilling and having fun ...
so you have to watch and learn carefully when is when and which is which.
>
>
>
> I don't
> > remember the exact words of the line, but it had to do with supper
> cooking
> > and daddy being home.
>
>
> yah, and this whole sequence of amazing (tho not atypical) events
> was itself his "running commentary" on the issue he originally
> wished to discuss, which wasn't gravity, but dadity
>
> his communcations concerning "falling down" addressed this interest,
> and then he arranged the rest of the events to "flesh out" his
> communication
>
> very resourceful! as oz wood say

**** Very.  The best.
>
>
>  His Dad had been working out of town for some time. I
> > told him that I thought he was telling me he missed his Daddy and
> wanted him
> > to come home.
>
> bingo
>
>
> He stopped the repetition, so I think I got it right and he
> > was calm and happy for the rest of the trip  (in spite of the fact
> that the
> > road to the lake was filled in with snow so impassable) as I
> shared this
> > line with his mother. The interesting thing about this process is
> the fact
> > that he chose the lake as his PEC, not any of the places that we
> could visit
> > in town. It gave him the time to find the line on the CD.
>
>
> exactly, and it got you and mom's undivided attention
>
>
>  Since we stopped
> > for gas, we actually didn't need that time, but had we not, we
> would have.
> > This is what true listening and accepting of communication
> entails. Since
> > this happened with this boy, I have had the repetition of videos
> used often
> > as a means of communicating something that is hard for the person
> to say
> > independently.
>
>  Echolalia is also part of this process. If you know the
> > context of the line being quoted, you can figure out exactly how
> it fits in
> > the present context. But you have to make the effort, and also
> accept
> > communication, not fix it, or you won't get this far.
>
>
> once they trust that you believe in their ability to communicate,
> and in their innate intelligence, they will increasingly make the
> communications more complex, pointed, and often personal

***** I think the communications can be complex from the get-go.  The only
caution I can give is that when we personalize something *not* directly
communicated to us ... then we get into trouble and it is *then* that the
cycle of miscommunication/misinterpretation leads to not only frustration
but, often, heartache.  And it's unecessary.  Not *everything* has some deep
tripartite meaning.

>
>
> >
> > 12. Don't treat them any differently than you would any typical
> child. Don't
> > force them to sit in chairs. Don't force them to look at things.
> Don't ask
> > them the same question over and over again. Don't ask them
> questions that
> > you already know the answer to and so on and so on. Teach them
> naturally and
> > respectfully. The inability to sit for long periods of time, and
> the
> > resistance to look directly at something is an indication of a
> sensory
> > problem, not something that needs to be "TAUGHT".
> >
> > I apologize for this being so long, but I don't think we can just
> assume
> > there is one easy answer for anything as important as
> communication. I hope
> > this is helpful.
> >
> > Sincerely
> > Gail Gillingham
> > Autism Consulting Service
> > Edmonton, Alberta, Canada,
> > Author: Autism Handle with Care
> >  Autism, A New Understanding
> > and co-editor with Sandra McClennen  of Sharing our Wisdom, a book
> of 22
> > different presentations of the experience of autism from those on
> the
> > spectrum.
>
>
> fine post

***** Yes, it certainly was.  Thank you for the contribution and added
insight.

~*~ Tink & Ben


>
>



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