Re: Fwd: [AutDads] True measure of QB's heart found at home, Flutie family faces challenge of autism

--- In autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Tom Smith <qim@xxxx> wrote:
> 
> 
> --- remarksman <remarksman@xxxx> wrote:
> 
> "the Fluties are WAY bought into the research/behavioral/pathology 
> model, and that's all that's holding up the Show, not Dougie
> 
> like many many parents, they want him as he was, and as they 
expect 
> him to be, not as he is, can be, and will be"
> 
> Bingo.  It was the Fluties and parents like them that saddled us 
the
> past ten years with ABA and ABA's practitioners unholy war against 
FC. 

eh, i'm not ready to toss that ded fish on their porch

it was a "group effort"


> It will be difficult if not impossible to convince these parents 
that
> what they did and what they supported was the exact opposite of 
what
> they should have done.


not the exact opposite, just some mistakes, like everyone -- and 
lotsa bad advice from vested interests


> 
> They thought they knew better when the fact is that anyone with 
basic
> knowledge of IQ sees plenty of evidence in auties behavior of at 
least
> the possibility of high IQ.

>  That of course makes FC more than a
> disirable intervention, but a must.
> 
> Flutie was a huge disappointment not only in the autism community 
but
> with my home team the Buffalo Bills.

dunno bout the former, no to the latter


  He was all set up to be the
> champion of the underdog.  What happenned?
> 
> Tom
>   

he's still set up, else he wouldnt have that kid

he threw the alltime Miracle Pass of college football for BC, way 
back in, well, BC

i expect Dougie'll bring him around eventually

> 
> 
> > --- In autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Tom Smith <qim@xxxx> wrote:
> > > ''I believe Dougie can understand the majority of what we're 
> > saying to
> > > him," Doug said. ''I just don't think he's able to respond.
> > > 
> > > I think the elder Flutie is making progress.
> > > 
> > > Tom
> > > 
> > > --- gammicca@xxxx wrote:
> > > 
> > > > To: <AutDads@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> > > > From: <gammicca@xxxx>
> > > > Date: Sun, 24 Jul 2005 17:45:57 -0400
> > > > Subject: [AutDads] True measure of QB's heart found at home, 
> > Flutie
> > > > family faces challenge of autism
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > 
> > > > True measure of QB's heart found at home
> > > > Flutie family faces challenge of autism
> > > >
> > > 
> > 
http://www.boston.com/sports/articles/2005/07/24/true_measure_of_qbs_
> > heart_found_at_home/
> > > > By Jackie MacMullan, Globe Staff  |  July 24, 2005
> > > > 
> > > > NATICK -- This time there are no boxes, no moving vans, no 
> > harried
> > > > coast-to-coast transports of the dogs, the kids, the stuff.
> > > > 
> > > > Doug Flutie is home. His new job, backup quarterback for the 
New
> > > > England Patriots, enables his daughter, Alexa, to complete 
her 
> > senior
> > > > year of high school alongside her lifelong friends -- not to 
> > mention
> > > > cousins -- from Natick. It allows his son, Dougie, to sleep 
in 
> > the
> > > > same room all year, with his toy box and his hockey stick 
and 
> > his big
> > > > old bear.
> > > > 
> > > > Dougie is 13 now. He loves music and the ocean. Sometimes, 
when 
> > the
> > > > family is at the beach, he'll bolt toward the water without 
> > warning,
> > > > and Doug will have to chase him down. Dougie will hear his 
father
> > > > coming, his steely legs frantically pounding the sand in 
> > pursuit, and
> > > > he'll wheel around and smile. You know what he'd be saying 
if he
> > > > could talk: Gotcha, Dad.
> > > > 
> > > > He loves it when his mother, Laurie Flutie, plays the ''Hey" 
> > song.
> > > > When he was 2, before autism overtook him, he would croon 
right 
> > along
> > > > with her. You know the tune. It's ''What I Like About You" 
by the
> > > > Romantics. When they sang, ''You really know how to dance," 
> > Dougie
> > > > would bust a move, smiling and laughing, like always.
> > > > 
> > > > Dougie doesn't dance so much anymore. He often sits in his 
> > stroller,
> > > > a state-of-the-art contraption that helps contain him and 
provide
> > > > comfort from the swirl of life's activity that is, at times, 
> > just too
> > > > overwhelming. He has a habit of drifting off to his own 
place, 
> > where
> > > > nobody -- not his mother, his father, his sister, or a team 
of
> > > > top-flight physicians -- can penetrate.
> > 
> > that's the idea alritee
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > Autism is heartbreaking that way. One minute, your son is 
> > smiling at
> > > > you, and the next, he is looking right through you.
> > > > 
> > > > ''He's always looking away," said Doug Flutie, 
wistfully. ''You
> > > > wonder what he's thinking."
> > 
> > ask him
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > But his parents believe Dougie is happy. He doesn't know he's
> > > > autistic, doesn't notice when others gawk at him when he's 
> > shouting,
> > > > or chewing on a plastic bottle, or twirling objects again 
and 
> > again
> > > > and again. Some people stare, others recoil. His parents 
have 
> > long
> > > > ago accepted that.
> > > > 
> > > > The rest of the world simply does not see the Dougie they 
see.
> > > > 
> > > > ''People ask me how he's doing," Doug Flutie said. ''It's 
not 
> > that
> > > > he's doing any one specific skill. It's little things. He 
follows
> > > > directions better. He gets in and out of the car by himself. 
> > That's a
> > > > huge improvement. Before that, it used to be a procedure."
> > > > 
> > > > Here is one of the most celebrated athletes in New England 
sports
> > > > history, a Heisman Trophy winner who married his high school
> > > > sweetheart in a storybook wedding. The Fluties were 
millionaires 
> > by
> > > > the time Doug was 25, yet his own son, his namesake, can't 
even 
> > begin
> > > > to carry on the legacy. It's likely Dougie will never read 
or 
> > write.
> > > > He will never be able to take care of himself. He probably 
will 
> > never
> > > > speak. The Random House Dictionary defines autism as a 
pervasive
> > > > developmental disorder characterized by impaired 
communication,
> > > > excessive rigidity, and emotional detachment.
> > > > 
> > > > Heartbreaking? Of course it is.
> > 
> > 
> > no, it isn't
> > 
> > 
> > > But don't you dare feel sorry for the
> > > > Fluties.
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > ''We don't really like that poor, poor pitiful me thing," 
Doug
> > > > explained.
> > 
> > 
> > mom duz!
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > They started the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation for Autism in 
1998, 
> > three
> > > > years after their son was diagnosed. As they learned more 
about
> > > > Dougie's condition, they recognized the need for heightened
> > > > awareness, education, and research. When Laurie purchased a 
> > special
> > > > tricycle for Dougie with wider handlebars and a bigger seat, 
the
> > > > price tag was more than $1,000. His special stroller cost 
> > $2,000. It
> > > > rankled her. How could average families afford this?
> > > > 
> > > > The foundation. It supports people who need financial 
assistance 
> > in
> > > > caring for their autistic children. 
> > 
> > 
> > good
> > 
> > 
> > It funds research and helps
> > > > develop new programs and services.
> > 
> > 
> > not good
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > ''I feel like Dougie was meant to do this," Laurie 
> > said. ''Without
> > > > him, there is no foundation. It wouldn't have happened. It's 
in
> > > > Dougie's name. It's his legacy. It gives us peace."
> > > > 
> > > > Still, it's not easy sometimes. Doug and Laurie have nieces 
and
> > > > nephews who are growing and prospering all around them. Bill 
> > Flutie's
> > > > son Brett is the same age as Dougie and he's an athlete, 
just 
> > like
> > > > his older brother Billy, who just committed to Boston 
College to 
> > play
> > > > football. The Flutie family is close; Doug's brothers, Bill 
and
> > > > Darren, and sister Denise, all live in town. Laurie's mother 
is 
> > still
> > > > there. There are daily reminders of what could have been.
> > 
> > 
> > what COULD have been?!  you don't even know what you've GOT!
> > 
> > why consign him to a hypothetical past, when his whole glorious 
> > future is still ahead?
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > ''We were at one of Brett's basketball tournaments 
recently," 
> > said
> > > > Doug. ''He came out and said, 'I could use one more guy on 
the 
> > court
> > > > with me. I need one more guy who thinks like I do.'
> > > > 
> > > > ''I turned to him and said, 'Brett, you know, that's 
supposed to 
> > be
> > > > Dougie.' "
> > > > 
> > > > Brett blanched. Doug's brother Bill turned away, his eyes 
moist. 
> > But
> > > > the quarterback no longer cries for his son.
> > > > 
> > > > ''They see what Brett is doing, and they want that for us," 
he 
> > said.
> > > > ''But we don't miss it as much as they might think, because 
we 
> > never
> > > > had it. We love Dougie just the way he is."
> > > > 
> > > > Devastating diagnosis
> > > > 
> > > > When Dougie Flutie was just 2, if he concentrated really 
hard, he
> > > > could practically reach the hoop with a regulation-size 
ball. He
> > > > loved to shoot baskets with his father, and would happily 
sit 
> > with
> > > > his little arms and legs curled around Doug watching an 
entire 
> > NBA
> > > > game.
> > > > 
> > > > He was an active, alert, mischievous child.
> > > > 
> > > > ''When he wanted juice, I'd ask him, 'Now, Dougie, what do 
you 
> > say?'
> > > > " Laurie recalled. ''He'd giggle a few times, but wouldn't 
> > answer.
> > > > I'd say again, 'Dougie, what do you say?' He'd laugh, then 
he'd
> > > > shout, 'Please, beauty mom!' "
> > > > 
> > > > When his father went down to the basement to practice his 
drums,
> > > > little Dougie would trail behind, climb into his lap, and 
bang 
> > on the
> > > > cymbals. They lived in Calgary at the time, when Flutie was 
> > starring
> > > > in the Canadian Football League, and their house included a 
> > master
> > > > bedroom with a fireplace that also connected to the living 
room.
> > > > Dougie loved to stick his hand through the grate from one 
room to
> > > > another, shouting with glee to his sister, ''Lexa, grab the 
> > hand!"
> > > > 
> > > > ''He was one of those kids who hated going to bed," Doug 
> > said. ''We'd
> > > > put him in, and the next thing you know he'd be standing on 
the
> > > > balcony. We'd say, 'Dougie, go to bed,' and he'd say to us 
in 
> > that
> > > > sweet little voice, 'Good night!' "
> > > > 
> > > > The memories are like precious stones, to be coveted and 
admired 
> > and
> > > > preserved.
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > they want their "normal" boy back -- it's the Fluties who 
> > are "stuck," not Dougie
> > 
> > 
> >  Dougie was once like all of his cousins. He talked and he
> > > > sang and he cried and he giggled and he looked right into his
> > > > parents' eyes and told them he loved them.
> > > > 
> > > > It changed shortly before Dougie turned 3, when Laurie and 
the 
> > kids
> > > > went back to Natick to enroll Alexa in school. All of a 
sudden, 
> > the
> > > > sunny boy was subdued. He talked less and less. Laurie 
called the
> > > > pediatrician. He told her it was not uncommon for younger 
> > siblings to
> > > > stop talking for periods of time, because their older 
brother or
> > > > sister did the talking for them.
> > > > 
> > > > Two months passed. Dougie barely spoke at all now. The only 
time 
> > he
> > > > managed to articulate much of anything was to repeat what 
Laurie 
> > said
> > > > to him. Laurie went back to the doctor. She mentioned 
Dougie's
> > > > symptoms developed shortly after he had his immunization 
shots. 
> > She
> > > > was referred to a neurologist, who recommended the boy be 
> > admitted to
> > > > New England Medical Center.
> > > > 
> > > > Dougie underwent a battery of tests. He was scared. He had 
wires
> > > > coming out of his head. They put him in a crib that looked 
like a
> > > > cage. He looked away, and he never looked back.
> > 
> > 
> > hmm ... put the terrified human in the cage . . . looks away, 
never 
> > looks back . . . 
> > 
> > this is a mystery?
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > ''I remember being in the doctor's office," Doug 
said. ''They 
> > told me
> > > > Dougie wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. But when I 
looked 
> > at
> > > > him, I saw the old Dougie."
> > > > 
> > > > The doctors surmised that Dougie was developmentally 
challenged 
> > from
> > > > birth. Laurie put together a video of her child when he was a
> > > > completely healthy, vibrant, communicative 2 1/2-year-old --
> >  ''his
> > > > highlight film," she joked. The doctors viewed it, then grew 
> > silent.
> > > > 
> > > > ''I watched and said, 'Oh my God,' " Doug said. ''I didn't 
> > realize
> > > > how far he'd regressed."
> > 
> > he got a promotion
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > The diagnosis -- autism -- was devastating. But, within a 
week, 
> > Doug
> > > > and Laurie were moving forward.
> > > > 
> > > > ''We just started focusing on, 'Where do we go, who do we 
see?' "
> > > > Doug said. ''I've had to do that a lot in my career. I know 
how 
> > to
> > > > put last week behind me."
> > > > 
> > > > Questions are raised
> > > > 
> > > > Doug Flutie was always the little guy who defied the odds. 
He 
> > was a
> > > > United States Football League bonus baby. He was a Canadian 
> > Football
> > > > League legend. He was a replacement player in New England, a
> > > > controversial figure in Buffalo, a sage veteran in San 
Diego. 
> > Along
> > > > the way, he used his notoriety to start the Doug Flutie Jr. 
> > Celebrity
> > > > Golf Classic, an all-star basketball tournament, and a 5K 
road 
> > race,
> > > > all to benefit the foundation.
> > > > 
> > > > ''It always amazes me when I work with families like the 
> > Fluties, who
> > > > truly do not feel sorry for themselves," said Lisa Borges, 
> > executive
> > > > director of the foundation. ''It would be easy to be bitter, 
or
> > > > angry. No one would blame them. But they don't say, 'Why 
me?' 
> > They
> > > > say, 'What can I do?' "
> > > > 
> > > > According to the Center for Disease Control, 1 in 166 
children
> > > > develop some form of autism, ranging from mild and somewhat 
high
> > > > functioning (like Dan Marino's son) to severe. The number is
> > > > staggering, and Bill Flutie does not understand why there 
hasn't 
> > been
> > > > a more urgent look at the preservative containing mercury 
that is
> > > > used in immunizations.
> > > > 
> > > > ''You've got to shake your head at it," Bill said. ''Dougie 
is a
> > > > normal little boy, then after the shots he's not? Autism is 
> > reaching
> > > > epidemic proportions. I wish someone like Doug, with so much
> > > > visibility, could pressure the government to do something.
> > > > 
> > > > ''I'm afraid to discuss it with Doug. It's so personal. It's 
a 
> > tough
> > > > subject. It upsets them, sometimes."
> > 
> > ah
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > Doug and Laurie have struggled with this issue. They, too, 
> > believe
> > > > the immunizations are the cause of Dougie's autism, even 
though 
> > no
> > > > studies have proven a direct link.
> > > > 
> > > > ''The government will never admit it, but we've got a big 
> > problem,"
> > > > Doug Flutie said. ''They did a study. Great. Happy for them. 
But
> > > > there's no doubt in my mind we need to get the mercury out 
of 
> > these
> > > > shots.
> > > > 
> > > > ''We can't get into the lab ourselves and prove it, so we're 
> > trying
> > > > to raise funds for research. No matter what they find it's 
not 
> > going
> > > > to make Dougie better. But it could help others."
> > > > 
> > > > They are wrapped up in Dougie; they admit it. There are 
excellent
> > > > facilities that house autistic patients, but the Fluties have
> > > > rejected that option.
> > > > 
> > > > ''Some members of our family have said, 'You know, the sad 
day 
> > will
> > > > come when you are going to have to put him someplace,' " 
Doug 
> > said.
> > > > ''I say no. Screw that. I want him with us. If he's 20, 25, 
30, 
> > 35, I
> > > > want him here."
> > > > 
> > > > ''I will never put him in a home as long as I can possibly 
help 
> > it,"
> > > > Laurie said emphatically.
> > > > 
> > > > Dougie remains a challenge. He needs constant attention. He 
is 
> > apt to
> > > > suddenly sprint off into a crowd. He rarely cries, so if 
he's 
> > hurt,
> > > > or suffering, his family is often unaware. He cannot swim, 
so he 
> > must
> > > > be supervised near water at all times.
> > > > 
> > > > This past summer, Dougie was sitting in the hot tub when he 
> > suddenly
> > > > popped out, scooted down the slide of the family pool, and 
> > plopped
> > > > into the water without his life vest on. Alexa quickly 
pulled 
> > him to
> > > > the surface; her brother, quite pleased with himself, merely 
> > grinned
> > > > at her.
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > little manipulator!
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > Doug worries his son doesn't eat enough. Dougie is thin, and 
he 
> > never
> > > > indicates he's hungry, so his father leaves a trail of easily
> > > > accessible snacks throughout the house. Laurie worries that 
> > Dougie
> > > > might become sick and be unable to tell them. Alexa needs 
> > glasses;
> > > > how would Dougie ever let them know if he did?
> > > > 
> > > > ''We were home recently and Dougie was crouched down, just 
> > staring
> > > > out the window," Doug said. ''He had been doing it quite a 
> > while, so
> > > > I said, 'Dougie, come over here.' He didn't move. That's 
when we
> > > > realized his finger was stuck in the vent. The poor kid 
couldn't 
> > tell
> > > > us."
> > > > 
> > > > One night, Laurie tiptoed up to check on Dougie in his room. 
He 
> > was
> > > > looking out the window with his hand sticking through the 
net of 
> > his
> > > > little plastic basketball hoop. His finger had become caught 
and 
> > was
> > > > turning blue. Dougie never made a sound. The net is no 
longer in 
> > his
> > > > room.
> > > > 
> > > > Realistic about the future
> > > > Who knows what Dougie would have been like? Is it a 
coincidence 
> > that
> > > > the first thing he reaches for in his toy box is the hockey 
> > stick,
> > > > the basketball, or the football? Doug tries to play catch 
with 
> > Dougie
> > > > sometimes. He'll say, ''Get ready, I'm going to pass you the 
> > ball."
> > > > His son, his expression blank, will not turn around. His 
father 
> > will
> > > > throw the ball anyway. Most times, Dougie will expertly 
snatch it
> > > > without looking.
> > > > 
> > > > ''There are moments when you get a little bummed out," Laurie
> > > > admitted. ''You watch Brett playing sports, and you think to
> > > > yourself, 'These would be the kids Dougie would be hanging 
out 
> > with.'
> > > > There are at least eight kids in the neighborhood Dougie's 
age 
> > who
> > > > are running around, doing what boys do. You wish Dougie 
could be 
> > out
> > > > there with them. But you can't dwell on it."
> > > > 
> > > > They are realistic about their son's future. He may improve 
in
> > > > increments, or this may be as good as it will ever get.
> > > > 
> > > > ''I believe Dougie can understand the majority of what we're 
> > saying
> > > > to him," Doug said. ''I just don't think he's able to 
respond.
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > ''Jeffrey Lurie, the owner of the [Philadelphia] Eagles, had 
a
> > > > brother who was autistic who didn't speak his first word 
until 
> > he was
> > > > 35. He told Jeffrey, 'Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.' "
> > 
> > 
> > LOL!
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > When Doug signed with the Patriots, he sat down and 
explained to 
> > his
> > > > kids how he had met coach Bill Belichick years ago at rocker 
Jon 
> > Bon
> > > > Jovi's 30th birthday party, and how he thought this job with 
New
> > > > England was a good fit. Flutie had seriously considered 
playing 
> > one
> > > > more year in the CFL with his brother Darren before the 
Patriots 
> > made
> > > > their pitch. NFL offers from the Giants, Seattle, and Tampa 
Bay 
> > were
> > > > more lucrative, but they couldn't guarantee he'd be able to 
> > watch his
> > > > nephew Billy play for Natick High every Friday night.
> > > > 
> > > > Flutie reports to Patriots camp today knowing his son is 
settled.
> > > > Dougie can hang out in his ''hot pool" and continue his 
> > schooling at
> > > > a collaborative program in Framingham.
> > > > 
> > > > The unknown comes into play years from now, when Doug and 
Laurie 
> > grow
> > > > older. Laurie had a nightmare about it two weeks ago, and 
woke up
> > > > sobbing, shaking. ''I told Alexa about it," Laurie 
said. ''She 
> > said,
> > > > 'Mom, stop worrying. I'll take care of Dougie.' "
> > > > 
> > > > ''People think he's a burden," Doug said. ''He's not. I love 
> > going up
> > > > to his room and lying with him on that big old bear he's got 
on 
> > his
> > > > bed."
> > > > 
> > > > The Flutie family went to dinner recently. They were in the 
> > middle of
> > > > a conversation when Dougie suddenly picked up the 
rectangular 
> > menus
> > > > and began twirling them.
> > > > 
> > > > ''He's got them in both hands, and he's spinning them 
around, 
> > and we
> > > > can't believe it," said Doug Flutie, with wonder in his 
> > voice. ''So
> > > > we all start trying it. But we can't. We can't do it."
> > 
> > 
> > "I can do things you can't do, I can juggle twelve globes at 
once, 
> > please pay attention, there's much more"
> > 
> > 
> > > > 
> > > > The stunned waiter stared at this nearly grown kid in a 
stroller
> > > > making strange guttural noises while spinning these menus 
like 
> > some
> > > > kind of juggler. He had recognized Doug Flutie when they 
came 
> > in, and
> > > > now his facial expression betrayed his thoughts: how sad.
> > > > 
> > > > No. It's not sad at all. Look at them. Do they look unhappy? 
So 
> > Doug
> > > > Flutie Jr. will never be a quarterback. So what? His father 
does 
> > not
> > > > care. Dougie's legacy -- his foundation -- is so much more
> > > > meaningful.
> > > > 
> > > > We should all be able to see that.
> > > > 
> > > > Donations to the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation for Autism can 
be 
> > sent to
> > > > P.O. Box 767, Framingham, MA 01701  
> > > > 
> > > 
> > 
> > the Fluties are WAY bought into the 
research/behavioral/pathology 
> > model, and that's all that's holding up the Show, not Dougie
> > 
> > like many many parents, they want him as he was, and as they 
expect 
> > him to be, not as he is, can be, and will be
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> 
> 
> 
>               
> ____________________________________________________
> Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page 
> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs