Re: Fwd: [AutDads] True measure of QB's heart found at home, Flutie family faces challenge of autism

--- In autismlist@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Tom Smith <qim@xxxx> wrote:
> ''I believe Dougie can understand the majority of what we're 
saying to
> him," Doug said. ''I just don't think he's able to respond.
> 
> I think the elder Flutie is making progress.
> 
> Tom
> 
> --- gammicca@xxxx wrote:
> 
> > To: <AutDads@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> > From: <gammicca@xxxx>
> > Date: Sun, 24 Jul 2005 17:45:57 -0400
> > Subject: [AutDads] True measure of QB's heart found at home, 
Flutie
> > family faces challenge of autism
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > True measure of QB's heart found at home
> > Flutie family faces challenge of autism
> >
> 
http://www.boston.com/sports/articles/2005/07/24/true_measure_of_qbs_
heart_found_at_home/
> > By Jackie MacMullan, Globe Staff  |  July 24, 2005
> > 
> > NATICK -- This time there are no boxes, no moving vans, no 
harried
> > coast-to-coast transports of the dogs, the kids, the stuff.
> > 
> > Doug Flutie is home. His new job, backup quarterback for the New
> > England Patriots, enables his daughter, Alexa, to complete her 
senior
> > year of high school alongside her lifelong friends -- not to 
mention
> > cousins -- from Natick. It allows his son, Dougie, to sleep in 
the
> > same room all year, with his toy box and his hockey stick and 
his big
> > old bear.
> > 
> > Dougie is 13 now. He loves music and the ocean. Sometimes, when 
the
> > family is at the beach, he'll bolt toward the water without 
warning,
> > and Doug will have to chase him down. Dougie will hear his father
> > coming, his steely legs frantically pounding the sand in 
pursuit, and
> > he'll wheel around and smile. You know what he'd be saying if he
> > could talk: Gotcha, Dad.
> > 
> > He loves it when his mother, Laurie Flutie, plays the ''Hey" 
song.
> > When he was 2, before autism overtook him, he would croon right 
along
> > with her. You know the tune. It's ''What I Like About You" by the
> > Romantics. When they sang, ''You really know how to dance," 
Dougie
> > would bust a move, smiling and laughing, like always.
> > 
> > Dougie doesn't dance so much anymore. He often sits in his 
stroller,
> > a state-of-the-art contraption that helps contain him and provide
> > comfort from the swirl of life's activity that is, at times, 
just too
> > overwhelming. He has a habit of drifting off to his own place, 
where
> > nobody -- not his mother, his father, his sister, or a team of
> > top-flight physicians -- can penetrate.

that's the idea alritee

> > 
> > Autism is heartbreaking that way. One minute, your son is 
smiling at
> > you, and the next, he is looking right through you.
> > 
> > ''He's always looking away," said Doug Flutie, wistfully. ''You
> > wonder what he's thinking."

ask him

> > 
> > But his parents believe Dougie is happy. He doesn't know he's
> > autistic, doesn't notice when others gawk at him when he's 
shouting,
> > or chewing on a plastic bottle, or twirling objects again and 
again
> > and again. Some people stare, others recoil. His parents have 
long
> > ago accepted that.
> > 
> > The rest of the world simply does not see the Dougie they see.
> > 
> > ''People ask me how he's doing," Doug Flutie said. ''It's not 
that
> > he's doing any one specific skill. It's little things. He follows
> > directions better. He gets in and out of the car by himself. 
That's a
> > huge improvement. Before that, it used to be a procedure."
> > 
> > Here is one of the most celebrated athletes in New England sports
> > history, a Heisman Trophy winner who married his high school
> > sweetheart in a storybook wedding. The Fluties were millionaires 
by
> > the time Doug was 25, yet his own son, his namesake, can't even 
begin
> > to carry on the legacy. It's likely Dougie will never read or 
write.
> > He will never be able to take care of himself. He probably will 
never
> > speak. The Random House Dictionary defines autism as a pervasive
> > developmental disorder characterized by impaired communication,
> > excessive rigidity, and emotional detachment.
> > 
> > Heartbreaking? Of course it is.


no, it isn't


> But don't you dare feel sorry for the
> > Fluties.

> > 
> > ''We don't really like that poor, poor pitiful me thing," Doug
> > explained.


mom duz!


> > 
> > They started the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation for Autism in 1998, 
three
> > years after their son was diagnosed. As they learned more about
> > Dougie's condition, they recognized the need for heightened
> > awareness, education, and research. When Laurie purchased a 
special
> > tricycle for Dougie with wider handlebars and a bigger seat, the
> > price tag was more than $1,000. His special stroller cost 
$2,000. It
> > rankled her. How could average families afford this?
> > 
> > The foundation. It supports people who need financial assistance 
in
> > caring for their autistic children. 


good


It funds research and helps
> > develop new programs and services.


not good

> > 
> > ''I feel like Dougie was meant to do this," Laurie 
said. ''Without
> > him, there is no foundation. It wouldn't have happened. It's in
> > Dougie's name. It's his legacy. It gives us peace."
> > 
> > Still, it's not easy sometimes. Doug and Laurie have nieces and
> > nephews who are growing and prospering all around them. Bill 
Flutie's
> > son Brett is the same age as Dougie and he's an athlete, just 
like
> > his older brother Billy, who just committed to Boston College to 
play
> > football. The Flutie family is close; Doug's brothers, Bill and
> > Darren, and sister Denise, all live in town. Laurie's mother is 
still
> > there. There are daily reminders of what could have been.


what COULD have been?!  you don't even know what you've GOT!

why consign him to a hypothetical past, when his whole glorious 
future is still ahead?



> > 
> > ''We were at one of Brett's basketball tournaments recently," 
said
> > Doug. ''He came out and said, 'I could use one more guy on the 
court
> > with me. I need one more guy who thinks like I do.'
> > 
> > ''I turned to him and said, 'Brett, you know, that's supposed to 
be
> > Dougie.' "
> > 
> > Brett blanched. Doug's brother Bill turned away, his eyes moist. 
But
> > the quarterback no longer cries for his son.
> > 
> > ''They see what Brett is doing, and they want that for us," he 
said.
> > ''But we don't miss it as much as they might think, because we 
never
> > had it. We love Dougie just the way he is."
> > 
> > Devastating diagnosis
> > 
> > When Dougie Flutie was just 2, if he concentrated really hard, he
> > could practically reach the hoop with a regulation-size ball. He
> > loved to shoot baskets with his father, and would happily sit 
with
> > his little arms and legs curled around Doug watching an entire 
NBA
> > game.
> > 
> > He was an active, alert, mischievous child.
> > 
> > ''When he wanted juice, I'd ask him, 'Now, Dougie, what do you 
say?'
> > " Laurie recalled. ''He'd giggle a few times, but wouldn't 
answer.
> > I'd say again, 'Dougie, what do you say?' He'd laugh, then he'd
> > shout, 'Please, beauty mom!' "
> > 
> > When his father went down to the basement to practice his drums,
> > little Dougie would trail behind, climb into his lap, and bang 
on the
> > cymbals. They lived in Calgary at the time, when Flutie was 
starring
> > in the Canadian Football League, and their house included a 
master
> > bedroom with a fireplace that also connected to the living room.
> > Dougie loved to stick his hand through the grate from one room to
> > another, shouting with glee to his sister, ''Lexa, grab the 
hand!"
> > 
> > ''He was one of those kids who hated going to bed," Doug 
said. ''We'd
> > put him in, and the next thing you know he'd be standing on the
> > balcony. We'd say, 'Dougie, go to bed,' and he'd say to us in 
that
> > sweet little voice, 'Good night!' "
> > 
> > The memories are like precious stones, to be coveted and admired 
and
> > preserved.



they want their "normal" boy back -- it's the Fluties who 
are "stuck," not Dougie


 Dougie was once like all of his cousins. He talked and he
> > sang and he cried and he giggled and he looked right into his
> > parents' eyes and told them he loved them.
> > 
> > It changed shortly before Dougie turned 3, when Laurie and the 
kids
> > went back to Natick to enroll Alexa in school. All of a sudden, 
the
> > sunny boy was subdued. He talked less and less. Laurie called the
> > pediatrician. He told her it was not uncommon for younger 
siblings to
> > stop talking for periods of time, because their older brother or
> > sister did the talking for them.
> > 
> > Two months passed. Dougie barely spoke at all now. The only time 
he
> > managed to articulate much of anything was to repeat what Laurie 
said
> > to him. Laurie went back to the doctor. She mentioned Dougie's
> > symptoms developed shortly after he had his immunization shots. 
She
> > was referred to a neurologist, who recommended the boy be 
admitted to
> > New England Medical Center.
> > 
> > Dougie underwent a battery of tests. He was scared. He had wires
> > coming out of his head. They put him in a crib that looked like a
> > cage. He looked away, and he never looked back.


hmm ... put the terrified human in the cage . . . looks away, never 
looks back . . . 

this is a mystery?


> > 
> > ''I remember being in the doctor's office," Doug said. ''They 
told me
> > Dougie wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. But when I looked 
at
> > him, I saw the old Dougie."
> > 
> > The doctors surmised that Dougie was developmentally challenged 
from
> > birth. Laurie put together a video of her child when he was a
> > completely healthy, vibrant, communicative 2 1/2-year-old --
 ''his
> > highlight film," she joked. The doctors viewed it, then grew 
silent.
> > 
> > ''I watched and said, 'Oh my God,' " Doug said. ''I didn't 
realize
> > how far he'd regressed."

he got a promotion


> > 
> > The diagnosis -- autism -- was devastating. But, within a week, 
Doug
> > and Laurie were moving forward.
> > 
> > ''We just started focusing on, 'Where do we go, who do we see?' "
> > Doug said. ''I've had to do that a lot in my career. I know how 
to
> > put last week behind me."
> > 
> > Questions are raised
> > 
> > Doug Flutie was always the little guy who defied the odds. He 
was a
> > United States Football League bonus baby. He was a Canadian 
Football
> > League legend. He was a replacement player in New England, a
> > controversial figure in Buffalo, a sage veteran in San Diego. 
Along
> > the way, he used his notoriety to start the Doug Flutie Jr. 
Celebrity
> > Golf Classic, an all-star basketball tournament, and a 5K road 
race,
> > all to benefit the foundation.
> > 
> > ''It always amazes me when I work with families like the 
Fluties, who
> > truly do not feel sorry for themselves," said Lisa Borges, 
executive
> > director of the foundation. ''It would be easy to be bitter, or
> > angry. No one would blame them. But they don't say, 'Why me?' 
They
> > say, 'What can I do?' "
> > 
> > According to the Center for Disease Control, 1 in 166 children
> > develop some form of autism, ranging from mild and somewhat high
> > functioning (like Dan Marino's son) to severe. The number is
> > staggering, and Bill Flutie does not understand why there hasn't 
been
> > a more urgent look at the preservative containing mercury that is
> > used in immunizations.
> > 
> > ''You've got to shake your head at it," Bill said. ''Dougie is a
> > normal little boy, then after the shots he's not? Autism is 
reaching
> > epidemic proportions. I wish someone like Doug, with so much
> > visibility, could pressure the government to do something.
> > 
> > ''I'm afraid to discuss it with Doug. It's so personal. It's a 
tough
> > subject. It upsets them, sometimes."

ah

> > 
> > Doug and Laurie have struggled with this issue. They, too, 
believe
> > the immunizations are the cause of Dougie's autism, even though 
no
> > studies have proven a direct link.
> > 
> > ''The government will never admit it, but we've got a big 
problem,"
> > Doug Flutie said. ''They did a study. Great. Happy for them. But
> > there's no doubt in my mind we need to get the mercury out of 
these
> > shots.
> > 
> > ''We can't get into the lab ourselves and prove it, so we're 
trying
> > to raise funds for research. No matter what they find it's not 
going
> > to make Dougie better. But it could help others."
> > 
> > They are wrapped up in Dougie; they admit it. There are excellent
> > facilities that house autistic patients, but the Fluties have
> > rejected that option.
> > 
> > ''Some members of our family have said, 'You know, the sad day 
will
> > come when you are going to have to put him someplace,' " Doug 
said.
> > ''I say no. Screw that. I want him with us. If he's 20, 25, 30, 
35, I
> > want him here."
> > 
> > ''I will never put him in a home as long as I can possibly help 
it,"
> > Laurie said emphatically.
> > 
> > Dougie remains a challenge. He needs constant attention. He is 
apt to
> > suddenly sprint off into a crowd. He rarely cries, so if he's 
hurt,
> > or suffering, his family is often unaware. He cannot swim, so he 
must
> > be supervised near water at all times.
> > 
> > This past summer, Dougie was sitting in the hot tub when he 
suddenly
> > popped out, scooted down the slide of the family pool, and 
plopped
> > into the water without his life vest on. Alexa quickly pulled 
him to
> > the surface; her brother, quite pleased with himself, merely 
grinned
> > at her.



little manipulator!


> > 
> > Doug worries his son doesn't eat enough. Dougie is thin, and he 
never
> > indicates he's hungry, so his father leaves a trail of easily
> > accessible snacks throughout the house. Laurie worries that 
Dougie
> > might become sick and be unable to tell them. Alexa needs 
glasses;
> > how would Dougie ever let them know if he did?
> > 
> > ''We were home recently and Dougie was crouched down, just 
staring
> > out the window," Doug said. ''He had been doing it quite a 
while, so
> > I said, 'Dougie, come over here.' He didn't move. That's when we
> > realized his finger was stuck in the vent. The poor kid couldn't 
tell
> > us."
> > 
> > One night, Laurie tiptoed up to check on Dougie in his room. He 
was
> > looking out the window with his hand sticking through the net of 
his
> > little plastic basketball hoop. His finger had become caught and 
was
> > turning blue. Dougie never made a sound. The net is no longer in 
his
> > room.
> > 
> > Realistic about the future
> > Who knows what Dougie would have been like? Is it a coincidence 
that
> > the first thing he reaches for in his toy box is the hockey 
stick,
> > the basketball, or the football? Doug tries to play catch with 
Dougie
> > sometimes. He'll say, ''Get ready, I'm going to pass you the 
ball."
> > His son, his expression blank, will not turn around. His father 
will
> > throw the ball anyway. Most times, Dougie will expertly snatch it
> > without looking.
> > 
> > ''There are moments when you get a little bummed out," Laurie
> > admitted. ''You watch Brett playing sports, and you think to
> > yourself, 'These would be the kids Dougie would be hanging out 
with.'
> > There are at least eight kids in the neighborhood Dougie's age 
who
> > are running around, doing what boys do. You wish Dougie could be 
out
> > there with them. But you can't dwell on it."
> > 
> > They are realistic about their son's future. He may improve in
> > increments, or this may be as good as it will ever get.
> > 
> > ''I believe Dougie can understand the majority of what we're 
saying
> > to him," Doug said. ''I just don't think he's able to respond.


> > 
> > ''Jeffrey Lurie, the owner of the [Philadelphia] Eagles, had a
> > brother who was autistic who didn't speak his first word until 
he was
> > 35. He told Jeffrey, 'Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.' "


LOL!


> > 
> > When Doug signed with the Patriots, he sat down and explained to 
his
> > kids how he had met coach Bill Belichick years ago at rocker Jon 
Bon
> > Jovi's 30th birthday party, and how he thought this job with New
> > England was a good fit. Flutie had seriously considered playing 
one
> > more year in the CFL with his brother Darren before the Patriots 
made
> > their pitch. NFL offers from the Giants, Seattle, and Tampa Bay 
were
> > more lucrative, but they couldn't guarantee he'd be able to 
watch his
> > nephew Billy play for Natick High every Friday night.
> > 
> > Flutie reports to Patriots camp today knowing his son is settled.
> > Dougie can hang out in his ''hot pool" and continue his 
schooling at
> > a collaborative program in Framingham.
> > 
> > The unknown comes into play years from now, when Doug and Laurie 
grow
> > older. Laurie had a nightmare about it two weeks ago, and woke up
> > sobbing, shaking. ''I told Alexa about it," Laurie said. ''She 
said,
> > 'Mom, stop worrying. I'll take care of Dougie.' "
> > 
> > ''People think he's a burden," Doug said. ''He's not. I love 
going up
> > to his room and lying with him on that big old bear he's got on 
his
> > bed."
> > 
> > The Flutie family went to dinner recently. They were in the 
middle of
> > a conversation when Dougie suddenly picked up the rectangular 
menus
> > and began twirling them.
> > 
> > ''He's got them in both hands, and he's spinning them around, 
and we
> > can't believe it," said Doug Flutie, with wonder in his 
voice. ''So
> > we all start trying it. But we can't. We can't do it."


"I can do things you can't do, I can juggle twelve globes at once, 
please pay attention, there's much more"


> > 
> > The stunned waiter stared at this nearly grown kid in a stroller
> > making strange guttural noises while spinning these menus like 
some
> > kind of juggler. He had recognized Doug Flutie when they came 
in, and
> > now his facial expression betrayed his thoughts: how sad.
> > 
> > No. It's not sad at all. Look at them. Do they look unhappy? So 
Doug
> > Flutie Jr. will never be a quarterback. So what? His father does 
not
> > care. Dougie's legacy -- his foundation -- is so much more
> > meaningful.
> > 
> > We should all be able to see that.
> > 
> > Donations to the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation for Autism can be 
sent to
> > P.O. Box 767, Framingham, MA 01701  
> > 
> 

the Fluties are WAY bought into the research/behavioral/pathology 
model, and that's all that's holding up the Show, not Dougie

like many many parents, they want him as he was, and as they expect 
him to be, not as he is, can be, and will be